Khalil &  Abdifatah“Khalil was dead from head trauma March 19 when his parents, Tina Cuffie, 44, and Floyd Wimes [aka Latiff Hadi], 48, brought him to Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. His corpse weighed only 29 pounds and bore a sea of scars across his face and the rest of his body, according to police reports. Authorities believe Khalil suffered beatings at the hands of his parents for as long as two years, and he was photographed with obvious scarring at the same time the social worker was visiting him and his siblings in 2011.” ─ Reports Philadelphia Inquirer.

“On the night of April 17, Ali Mohamad Mohamud tied up his stepson Abdifatah Mohamud, stuffed a sock in his mouth, covered it with duct tape and then beat the boy to death, Buffalo, N.Y.,” police told ABC News affiliate WKBW.

“An autopsy showed that the fifth grader died after being hit more than 70 times with a rolling pin.” --- ABC News.

We as a community seriously need to do something about such parents who torture their kids in all sorts of ways in the name of discipline. Police and children services come later. Where are family members, neighbors and community members? Why is there nobody to stop them? This does not happen in just one night. Instead, such deadly incidents happen after several incidents of lesser severity. In this case, it is apparent that nobody stopped these brutal people at all.

by By Karla Kellam

As the facts about the Shaima Alawadi murder case continue to trickle in, it appears more and more that she was the victim of family violence, rather than a hate crime. As somebody who works to prevent family violence at Project Sakinah, this does not come as a surprise to me—nor was it an unexpected turn of events to many of us in the domestic violence/family violence community. Of all the women killed in America in 2007, 64% of them died at the hands of a family member or an intimate partner. While it is possible that this might be matricide, which is exceedingly rare (85% of children who murder one or more of their parents are male), family violence is not.

 

As we enter into 2012, we reflect upon the past year with mixed feelings. On one hand, our hearts are heavy with the memory of Nazish Noorani and many others who have been victimized by their own spouses in 2011.  On the other hand, the level of our community’s engagement with us, and with other efforts dedicated to stopping violence within our families over the course of the year gives us hope and encouragement to continue the struggle.

Our main focus during 2011 was on collaborating with existing organizations and upon launching our multi-faceted campaign. Here are our major achievements for 2011, along with future plans for 2012:

 As I write this post, it has been five days since the murder of Nazish Noorani, 27, a mother of two, in Boonton, NJ.   

A week prior to her death, she texted her brother...

 "I dont no wht to do…Cant talk to him cuz he abuse me than…He dosent wanna live with me…I dont no kids get scared of him sometimes…I m so tired of this…I dont no i m scared…someday u will find me dead but its cuz of kashi…he wants to kill me."

Unfortunately, regardless of her warning, she could not save herself. Her husband, Kashif Pervaiz, successfully plotted and killed her with the help of his girlfriend, Antoinette Stephen.  

by Hafeeza Kelli Yasmin
June 3, 2011

This is part of a series of posts entitled “Muslims Making a Difference,” featuring Muslims benefiting society at different levels.

Domestic violence is an issue within Islam which is intolerable; it is a sign of oppression, and Allah ‘azza wajal condemns oppression.

The name Nour in Arabic means angelic light, and thus a name that reflects peace, tranquillity and hope. It is a metaphor for the light at the end of the tunnel, to bring back hope in those who have fallen victims of the devastating sin of domestic violence.  Nour launched its website in 2010 and has now earned the title of a non-profit charity.

What makes Nour stand out from all the rest is that they are able to recognise the Islamic faith and the sensitivity that comes with domestic violence. Unfortunately, many Muslims ignorantly adopt the false impression that Islam permits the act of domestic violence

by Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine
June 20, 2011

Abuse is a topic that many Muslims shy away from because it is uncomfortable to tackle an issue that is complex and appears unsolvable.  Many times when I address the topic of marriage, I clarify that the strategies I suggest do not apply to abusive relationships. Yet, what I have learned is that people who are in abusive relationships don’t acknowledge the abuse and instead try to do everything to “fix” their marriage and resolve the unhappiness they feel.  Abusive relationships have a completely different dynamic and “marriage advice” cannot solve the problem of abuse. Sadly people do not understand that an abusive relationship is a dysfunctional relationship, therefore the only way the relationship can change is if both husband and wife get professional counseling because without intervention the abuse will only get worse and the relationship will continue to deteriorate.

On April 21, the Supreme Court in Pakistan upheld the acquittal of five men accused in the gang-rape of Mukhtar Mai. To God we belong, and to Him shall we return.

From where did this come? Where in the Qur'an does it sanction the murder of a woman on the mere accusation of adultery? What sort of barbarity is this?

In the Name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful

It is with great pleasure that I come on board as a blogger for Project Sakinah. As my first post, I want to share the Friday Sermon I gave about Domestic Violence, in the wake of the horrific beheading of Aasiya Zubair by her husband.

We praise God, the Almighty, the Precious Beloved. All praise is due to Him. We seek refuge in the Lord from the evil tendencies of our selves and from the evil of our actions. We bear witness that there is nothing worthy of worship except God alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (pbuh) is God's Messenger and Servant. Whomever God guides can never be misguided. Yet, whosoever God leaves to stray can never be guided aright except by His leave. We ask the Precious Beloved to send down His Mercy, His Prayers, and His blessings upon Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), upon his family, his companions, and the Muslims everywhere. Amen. By now, everyone has heard of the truly outrageous and barbaric murder of Sister Aasiya...

by Sandra Molinari

Sandra Molinari has worked in the sexual and domestic violence field for the better part of a decade. She discusses the need for prevention and the underlying causes of domestic and sexual violence, including the underlying causes at the community and societal levels.

"Why not instead ask the question, 'Why did X hurt Y? And how can X and others be prevented from hurting people in the future?' As a woman in one of my groups once put it: All this empowerment work that is focused on us survivors of domestic violence is great: I can tell you I’m never going to put up with that kind of abuse again! But what about my ex? He’s just going to move on to another woman and start beating her up. What are we going to do about him? Where does the violence end?…

by Parvez Ahmed

Amidst all the euphoria about Egypt’s peaceful revolution, the news of CBS news reporter Lara Logan being sexually assaulted fell like a ton of bricks. The people of Egypt, especially its youth, have been such an inspiration that any hint of deviant behavior understandably elicits gasps and should provoke soul searching. Sadly, the incident is not that isolated.  

 February 12, 2010, marked the first anniversary of the gruesome murder of general manager and co-founder of Bridges TV, Sister Aasiya Zubair Hassan. She was killed by her husband, Muzzammil Hassan, the other co-founder and CEO of Bridges TV.

Many of you know by reading my earlier posts on the topic that this particular murder had hit me and my family very hard. We felt the Zubair family’s pain directly, as we knew if we had not acted on time the dead victim could have been my first cousin, Sadia, instead of Aasiya. Sadia is Muzzammil’s ex-wife. We were thankful to Allah for saving Sadia’s life. At the same time, we were very sad for losing Sr. Aasiya at the hand of an established, known abuser. Since we personally knew many major players of the story, our reaction has been mixed with grief and anger. Grief for Aasiya’s children and her family. Anger toward the community and friends around the couple.

Written by Usama Hassan

God and Muhammad, peace be upon him, clearly wished to ban domestic violence, as numerous hadiths indicate. The verse was always known to be a temporary compromise, an extremely limited concession that required minimum use of violence, if at all. “New” findings are:

1. Numerous hadiths say emphatically, “Don’t beat your wives.” The Qur’an apparently says, “You may beat your wives.” This apparent difficulty must be resolved. The verse is perhaps the most quoted by critics and enemies of Islam, the Qur’an and the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.

2. The article tries to highlight a basic and serious flaw with the way many Muslims read and teach the Qur’an, including some preachers and clerics. Helping to correct this problem will, God-willing, open the way to dealing with numerous other controversial issues and “problematic” ayahs and hadiths.

3. Many issues around human rights and women’s rights, gender-equality, dhimmitude etc. may be fruitfully-addressed along similar lines.

Written by Anntoinette Cooper  

The stereotypical views and myths associated with Islam and Muslim women; the generalization of the Muslim population by mainstream society and the countless fears of victims which include the threat of deportation, blacklisting from the religious community, mistreatment from authority figures, undue scrutiny of Islam and the list goes on. All of these add to the already complex issue of domestic violence within our community making it even more compound.

A WISE Publication

Domestic violence, also known as “intimate partner violence,” is a form of violent or oppressive domination over a family member or partner. It occurs in families and relationships around the world and across culture, religion, race, and geography. Domestic violence manifests in various forms, most commonly as physical violence, but also as emotional abuse and financial control. Many of those who suffer from domestic violence fear for the safety of their lives and are thus reluctant to come forward. Although domestic violence victimizes both men and women, the majority of the victims are women.

As a worldwide phenomenon, domestic violence remains an ever-present reality in the lives of millions of Muslims. Throughout the world, violence destroys the ability of Muslim women to thrive within their families, communities, and nations. Moreover, perpetrators of domestic violence often try to justify their acts in the name of Islam.

Written by Rafia Zakaria

The killers of 16-year-old Aqsa Pervez were convicted on June 18. Mohammad Pervez and Waqas Ahmed, Aqsa’s father and brother, were sentenced to life in prison by a jury in Ontario, Canada.

Aqsa was killed after being picked up by her brother from her school bus stop. She was taken to the family home where she was found dead by the police. DNA material belonging to her brother was found under her fingernails and her father confessed to the murder.
According to accounts published in Canadian newspapers, Mohammad Pervez killed his daughter because she did not subscribe to his conservative values. She wanted to get a part-time job and did not want to have an arranged marriage. According to a statement made by Aqsa’s mother, Mohammad Pervez told her that he had killed his youngest child because “the community will say that you have not been able to control your daughter” and “this is my insult, she has made me naked”.

On Dec 10, 2007, the day of her death, Aqsa was tricked into coming back home and then strangled. The cause of her death was deemed to be asphyxiation and evidence showed that Aqsa had fought for her life in her last moments. On the day the sentence was announced, Aqsa’s mother was present in court and pleaded to the judge to spare her husband and son.

Written by Imam Johari Abdul Malik

I was quoted in a NY Times article  about the outstanding work that Muslim activists are doing across the country to prevent domestic violence in our communities. Many of us have been doing this work for many years, and I was featured in a front page article in the NY Times nearly 20 years ago about my work mentoring new fathers in a community based grass root effort in Washington, D.C. My wife, Nia Seale, was working in that same institution with young mothers.

However, I want to be clear that we reject the implication that Islam is somehow inherently violent against women and that a “new interpretation” is needed to address this problem. Our goal is to return people to the original and proper understanding of the Qur’an and Sunnah on this issue. We believe that the Words of the Qur’an are the Words of God revealed to the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and that it has been preserved. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) – who is the best example – never beat his wives. The Qur’an calls upon men to be maintainers and protectors of women and this is a religion of expressing God’s love  (rahma) and being kind to one’s spouse. The goal of a marriage in Islam is to promote love and compassion between the spouses and the family in general.

Written by Mehnaz M. Afridi 
Courtesy:  Common Ground News Service (CGNews)

Los Angeles, California - International Women’s Day on 8 March provides an opportunity to raise awareness of the work women are doing to combat gender inequality. Violence and inequality affect women around the world, including women in Muslim societies who, like their non-Muslim counterparts, are engaged on a day-to-day basis to improve their environments for the better.

Travelling back and forth to Muslim-majority countries such as Pakistan, I witness the amazing work that women are doing both for human rights and economic growth firsthand. Women are running companies, shelters and businesses, and countering the images of disenfranchised, illiterate and socially deprived Muslim women so pervasive in Western media.

Bushra Aslam, for example, opened an orphanage in Islamabad for young girls after the 2005 Pakistani earthquake. She provides educators, mentors, counsellors and interfaith activities for the 45 girls living there. Another inspiring figure is Rukhsana Asghar, the president of Fulcrum, a Pakistan-based human resources consulting company that offers scholarships to train girls from poor families in preparation for jobs.

Muslim Men Against Domestic Abuse interviewed Imam Zaid Shakir about the problem of domestic abuse. Imam Shakir has addreesed this problem in details while elaborating on Quranic verses and Hadith that may have refered to domestic abuse. Here is a video that has been posted with the permission of MMADA.

Written by Dr. M.N. Tarazi

Saturday, July 17, 2010

"Your mother is so great that I did not have to beat her up once in the thirty years we have been married!" a father told his sons as he was trying to praise his wife.
 

"Every time she will talk back at me I will slap her," a brother told me as I was trying to provide marital counseling for him and his wife. Apparently he had "smacked" her before they came to see me. The mind boggling thing is that when I asked him, "What did she say to you that caused you to hit her?" he replied, "We had an argument and she provoked me so I said to her "Haywaneh!" (you're an animal!) Then she dared to talk back at me saying, "Inteh el Haywan" (you're the animal). Then I exercised my "God given right" to beat her up."
 

Though this is hardly a common idea in our community, if only a few brothers follow this misunderstanding of our religion, it damages their families and it damages our whole community.
 

The opponents of Islam often accuse Islam and Muslims of mistreatment of women and allowing men to beat up their wives referring to the Quranic verse 4:34. Unfortunately some Muslim men do strongly believe that this verse in the Quran gives them some "God given right" to beat their wives.

Written by Imam Abdullah El-Amin, MMNS 

January 24, 2008

Courtesy of Muslim Media Network

“Men are the maintainers and protectors of women, because ALLAH has given the one more (strength) than He has given the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard what ALLAH would have them guard. As to those women on who you feel disloyalty and ill-conduct, first admonish them, next refuse to share their beds, and finally, beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance): for ALLAH is Most High, Great (above you all). "

 

Holy Qur’an 4:34

The above verse has been the topic of much discussion and disagreement in the Muslim world for many years. The biggest question from the ayah 34 is whether ALLAH allows men to physically beat, hit, or strike women. For all practical purposes and logical thinking, the answer is NO. This, even though the majority of the Muslim world have accepted and justified the practice of hitting women and say it is sanctioned by ALLAH. If you look at our beautiful, delicate females, and think, you will come to the realization that it is not logically feasible that ALLAH, the sole Creator of us all, would give men carte blanche to hit women if the men are not satisfied with them. The Holy Prophet (s) has never been reported to have struck any of his wives. And isn’t he our example?

In Islam, does God permit husbands to beat disloyal wives? A new translation of the Qur'an says no--but will this take hold?

Interview by Andrea Useem
Courtesy: Beliefnet

While many Muslims say that Islam liberates women, one verse in the Qur'an has sparked debate on this idea for years. According to many popular English translations, verse 4:34 instructs Muslim men who "fear disloyalty and ill-conduct" from their wives to first admonish them, then refuse to sleep with them, and then "beat them (lightly)." Does that verse mean that in Islam, God permits husbands to beat their wives?

Non-Muslims often wonder if this verse justifies domestic violence. At the least, doesn’t it reinforce the idea that women are inferior to men? A new English translation of the Qur'an, published by Iranian-American scholar Laleh Bakhtiar this spring, aims to strike down these ideas. Instead of translating the root verb DARABA as "beat them lightly," Bakhtiar translates this key verse to mean "go away from them." She bases her word choice on, among other things, the example of Prophet Muhammad, who, according to prophetic tradition, never hit anyone in his family, not even lightly, and always treated his wives (there were 12 over the course of his lifetime) with respect.
Critics, like "Koran for Dummies" author Sohaib Sultan, argue that Bakhtiar's translation is a "modern-day revisionist report," saying other well-read translations of the Qur'an have always taken the word DARABA to mean something physical. But Bakhtiar says the word has 17 different meanings, the most popular being "to separate."

Here we are, sitting in front of our respective screens, each with our own motivations and intentions, each with our own life experiences, each of us choosing to spend a few moments – me in writing these words, you in reading them. Violence in Muslim families is not a happy topic, and each of us responds to the idea the words conjure in different ways. Issues like this are daunting, and can seem monumental. But family violence is a reality, and now that we know it exists in our community we must each make a decision about how we are going to respond to this knowledge.

Did you know that one in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime? 1 

According to a carefully estimated guess by major Islamic social service organizations in North America, this statistic applies to the Muslim women too. An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year 2. This number also includes thousands of Muslim women.

Yes, one in every four Muslim women. You must know some who are already abused.

I know many.

Nearly 17,000 people, mainly women, are killed each year by an intimate partner, according to the National Coalition of Domestic Violence, a nonprofit advocacy group based in Denver.

Written by Laila Shaheen

The following article first appeared in Muslim Link.

Domestic violence is a reality in 10 percent of the homes in the United States regardless of ethnicity, socio-economic status or education. That number includes those living in Muslim homes. Often times, women in abusive relationships who decide to leave will end up homeless. The hard economic crisis that we currently face is another factor in the increasing numbers of homeless women in the US. And again, this includes Muslim women.

On March 14th, Sisters in Solidarity to Educate, Respond & Serve (S.I.S.T.E.R.S) held their 3rd Annual Tea, where they honored one woman who has worked diligently to help alleviate the suffering of Muslim women who find themselves suddenly homeless. Sister Asma Hanif, operates a women’s shelter and clinic, Muslimat Al Nisaa, in the Baltimore area. The shelter offers a safe haven to Muslim women and children. While the concept and dream of opening the shelter was initially that of our late sister, Maryam Funches, Asma has carried on with her dream of her dear friend.

Written by Zerqa Abid

Muzzammil Hassan, the owner and CEO of Bridges TV has been arrested for beheading his wife, Aasiya Zubair.

INNA LILLAHI WA INNA ILAIHI RAJAIUN, indeed everything belongs to Allah (God) and to Him we will return.

This is the news of the year that has once again damaged not only the Muslim image in American society, but it has also damaged our trust and the hope that we place in American Muslim leadership.

It’s been five days now that my family along with the rest of the community has been in shock. The fact that Muzzammil was married to my first cousin before marrying the victim still horrifies us. Ms. Zubair was his third wife. Both of his earlier wives filed divorce on the same grounds of severe domestic violence and abuses.

By Altamash Iftikhar

So today was our first volunteering event in downtown Chicago. We had about 10 volunteers show up and we hit the streets (State St. and Michigan Ave. to be exact) with 2,000 fliers. The fliers had statistics on them (i.e., 1 in 4 women experience domestic violence in their lifetime, more than 3 women and 1 man are killed as a result of domestic violence every day, etc. ...) with the words “don’t become another statistic” and the website (http://www.i-appreciate.org) on the bottom of the flier.

First of all, I want to thank each volunteer that made it out and helped spread the word today. We definitely reached a ton of people and we all had some pretty deep and insightful conversations with people. I had a lot of people asking about the shirt and just asking about the organization in general, but I wanted to reflect on two special encounters that I had today.

By I Am: American Muslim

"He stood right here, in this spot," Brother Alakoum emphasized pointing at the ground next to where he stood as he looked out over the massala, "stood right here and asked for money for Bridges TV."

Earlier in his portion of the presentation, Br. Alakoum had told the story of a man from our community that was such a tyrant that his family celebrated his death at Chuck E. Cheese. He wanted to stress that the issue of domestic violence is real in our community, and it’s time to move to Zero Tolerance. "You think it’s being a man to have your house afraid of you, but then your family celebrates your janaza at Chuck E. Cheese."