Forebearance and the Family

Posted by Anas
7/8/2015 12:17 PM  RssIcon

The Arabic root "hilm", has several  connotations in classical Arabic: to be forbearing, mild, lenient, clement; to be forgiving, gentle, deliberate; to be leisurely in manner, not hasty; to be calm, serene; to manage one's temper; or to exhibit moderation.   This quality of hilm is evident in our relationships, and one that we cultivate in our interactions with others, and our communication with them. Because we interact with our spouses and children so much – it is in these relationships we can most easily see how we’re doing in cultivating this virtue.

For many of us, among the bounties showered upon us in Ramadan is that we find it easier to be mild and gentle – if only because we lack the energy to get too worked up about most things. One aspect of this is that our knowledge that we are fasting and our intention to increase our devotion to Allah during Ramadan help to create a stronger psychological “boundary” between the actions of others and our response to them.  Having strong boundaries – knowing where one’s own responsibility begins and ends – is a hallmark of a healthy relationship.

In order to nurture the health of our relationships, we must be aware of our behavior in them. Here again, fasting helps us, because while we are fasting we are more conscious of all our behavior (we’ve got to remember we’re fasting), and our changed physical state while fasting makes us more aware of our behavior as well. Building healthy relationships is based on awareness, and the good news is that it doesn’t have to be difficult to make incremental improvements.

There’s a useful resource on healthy relationships called “Healthy Relationships 101: Everything you wish you’d learned in High School,” by Michael Jascz, (available as an eBook, here [link ].  The book  is both engaging and practical, and shows us how to develop the skillset required to enjoy good communications in all our relationships, not just those in the family. The technique underlying their curriculum is a powerful one called Nonviolent Communication (NVC). This is a well-established technique developed by Marshall Rosenberg.  (see Nonviolent Communication: a language of life.  [link: ]

Michael Jascz has created something called the Relationship Foundation. This nonprofit has introduced a “Social and Emotional Learning” curriculum into New York City Schools.  Their website, , includes the lesson on Empathy from their curriculum.

Hilm is a virtue bestowed upon us by al-Haleem. Let us show our gratitude by using the blessing of Ramadan and the resources available  to nurture it.

Your name:
Gravatar Preview
Your email:
(Optional) Email used only to show Gravatar.
Your website:
Add Comment   Cancel 





Blog List

In The Beginning
Emotional Literacy -- The Key to Preventing Domestic Violence
Feeling Like an Expert?
Forebearance and the Family
The Heartsick Judge
Letter to a Stranger
True Love in Marriage – A Mirage, Why?
Wholeness of Love - The Tranquil Home
Greatness of Women
Stand with Purple
Indian Documentary Film Maker Tackles Child Abuse
Cultural Differences and Child Abuse
Adoption in Islam: Not in my house
The Plight of Abused Muslim Parents
Team Up with Ramadan
Revive the Spirit: Do 4 Things for Aasiya
The Origin of The International Purple Hijab Day
E-Wali--A Good Idea
One Easy Thing to Do to Help Keep Kids Safe
Five Tips on Finances / Your Financial Safety Plan
The Issue of Child Abuse: What We Should Do
It's all about Saving Muslim Lives at Home!
Stop Domestic Violence: Wake Up, Speak Up, Team Up
Please Help Me: The Child Abuse Epidemic
On Shaima Alawadi, family violence, and hate crimes
Hurting Homes
Honor is Gender Neutral
My Khutbah Against Domestic Violence
Abuse of Women is Sadly Endemic
Do we have a Will to End Domestic Violence?
Domestic Violence, Islam and Muslim Women
Domestic Violence: A Violation of Islam
Honor and Terror
Muslims Working Against Domestic Violence
Muslim women wage jihad against violence
Imam Zaid Shakir: The Problem of Domestic Abuse
The Wife-Beating issue and its impact on our community
ALLAH Prohibits Domestic Violence
Does the Quran Tolerate Domestic Abuse?
Inviting Muslims to Respond to Domestic Violence
VOICE TO ACTION: Muslims Against Domestic Violence
SISTERS Annual Tea Honors Muslimat Al Nisaa Shelter
Did We ever Bother to know Muzzammil?
Downtown Chicago Event
He Stood Right Here



Muslim Community (19)
Hadith (15)
Muslim Domestic Violence (15)
Quran (15)
Muslim Abusive Marriage (14)
Muslim Abusive Relationships (14)
Muslim Battered Women (14)
Daraba (13)
Muslim domestic abuse (13)
Muslim women rights (13)
Nushuz (13)
Prophet Mohammad (13)
Muslim wife beating (10)
Muslim Help (9)
Muslim Support (9)
Aasiya Zubair (7)
Domestic Violence (6)
Child abuse (4)
Abuse (3)
Muslim Child Abuse (3)
Muslim Family Violence (3)
Muzzamil Hassan (3)
parenting (3)
Activism (2)
Adultery (2)
Bridges TV (2)
Dar al Islam (2)
domestic abuse (2)
Family Violence (2)
Islam (2)
Muslim abuse (2)
Muslim dating (2)
Muslim Honor Killing (2)
Muslim Relationships (2)
Muzzammil Hassan (2)
Ramadan (2)
Unhealthy Relationships (2)
Abdifatah Mohamud (1)
Abused Elderly Parents (1)
Abusive Children (1)
American Muslim community (1)
Awareness (1)
case (1)
Child Safety (1)
council (1)
Counseling (1)
Eid (1)
Emotional Literacy (1)
Enith Morillo (1)
e-wali (1)
Family (1)
Father (1)
finances (1)
financial safety plan (1)
Friday Sermon (1)
gang rape (1)
Happy Homes (1)
Healthy Relationships (1)
Iftaar (1)
Jahliyah (1)
Jihad (1)
Kashif Pervaiz (1)
Khalil Wimes (1)
Kidnapping (1)
Love (1)
marriage (1)
matrimonial (1)
media (1)
Mentor (1)
Mukhtar Mai (1)
Muslim American Community (1)
Muslim Child Molestation (1)
Muslim Children Rights (1)
Muslim Families (1)
Muslim Marriage (1)
Muslim Parenting (1)
Muslim Parents (1)
Muslims (1)
Nazir Ahmed (1)
Nazish Noorani (1)
Pakistan (1)
Patience (1)
Punjab (1)
retaliation (1)
Role Model (1)
Strong Families (1)
Supreme Court (1)
Taraweeh (1)
Tranquility (1)
Trust (1)
wali (1)
Women (1)


Project Sakinah
Dar al Islam
P.O. Box 180
Abiquiu, NM  87510