Anonymous Survivor

Muslim communities are the worst communities ever and yes I am a Muslim! Why do I say that...let me explain something about my life.

I was married to (and right now in the process of divorcing) a vey abusive man. He's a prominent physician in United States and 17 yrs older than me. When I married him I was 18. Right after that I moved to the States and had 2 children with him. I have suffered physical, mental, emotional abuse from him and his mother, who lived with us. He made me cut off from all my friends & family, and I was not even allowed to talk to my parents for the last 3 yrs. Every time I wanted to leave there was more abuse, more threats to kill my brother, rape my sister, etc. My parents, out of cultural pressure and threats, pushed me to stay with him.

Outside people thought we were great, never realizing what happened behind closed doors. They did not realize I was beaten every time I tried to talk to somebody or made a face in public. I was sick of pretending. I came to a point where I thought I would lose my mind. I thought about suicide a lot. I knew eventually he would kill me ...it was just a matter of time. But I thought, "am I so worthless?" One time his sister told me, "Oh you cannot leave, if he kills you that's another story, but you cannot leave the house alive". Finally I had the guts to leave him, my only mistake (because I was so scared for my life) was that I fled leaving my children behind (though he was awful to me he did not harm the kids)

Now how are the Muslim communities bad? Let me explain...  I am not supported by them at all. They think that, because I filed for divorce and did not give a chance (as if 10 yrs is not enough chances), I am destroying my children's lives. That I'm selfish for putting my life over that of my children. A woman will be sent straight to heaven if she patiently takes the abuse because that's her reward! All this bullshit and more I have heard from Imams, from so called friends, and strangers.

This man did nothing for the Muslim community, ever, when I was with him. (Did I mention that he's a physician?) Since I have left he is so focused on bringing me down (a punishment for divorcing him) that he is spending money right and left. When I refuse to attend religious affairs because of his presence, I am told to "suit myself" because they cannot deny him, as he's such a financial supporter of the community. Haha. What a joke! Where was he all these years? I have been told that he will find a wonderful woman and that I will be ruined. If he tries to give me a chance I should not think twice about it. Yeah right. I don't understand, does our community enjoy other's pain or are we really that stupid?!

Who supported me? These Americans, whom I am grateful to. Just listening to my account, looking at my bruises...they were there for me. When I rented a place strangers gave their furniture, mattress, got me groceries, dishes, etc to make me comfortable. Gave me a shoulder to cry on, since I have no family here. Every time that a man tries to come near me they protect me. For them abuse is abuse, even if it happened only one time, and it is punishable. What did my community gave me? Humiliation, insults, religious guilt! I am much happier now and so are my kids, even though life is very hard.

I don't know when our community will realize that it is a cultural bondage, and break away from it. How many more women will have to suffer? It sometime feels like, if you are a woman, your life has no meaning. You are a piece of property and easily disposable. When will we hold these men accountable for their actions and bring justice?! Do you realize how many women suffer in the name of Islam? But to us this is just gossip news...served with the coffee, and done with it. We need to stand up and take actions and support the victims, rather than the abuser, and break away from these suffocating norms of society for the sake of our future generations and just sometime for the sake of a human life!

Webmaster Note: This profile is an edited version of a comment posted by an anonymous sister on the blog "Did we ever bother to know Muzzammil?"


 

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