What if I am the Abuser?
If you are an abuser, or your actions match the WARNING SIGNS, know that people want to help you.
If can admit that you behave abusively, you have taken a first step toward change. There are no quick fixes, and you will need help along the way to change. Lasting change is not possible until you accept responsibility for your behavior. Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in their hearts. It takes courage to admit you are an abuser, even to yourself. Once you have done so, keep seeking refuge from Shaytan, and keep asking Allah to help you. Then take action!
- Find out more about anger, (for example,
- Learn and practice anger coping strategies like those listed
- Learn the difference between appropriate assertiveness, and aggressive behavior.
- Improve your ways of coping with stress. See, for example,
- Join an anger management group, there are groups in most cities.
- Join a program like
“Men Stopping Violence” – there are programs like this in many cities.
- Don’t give up! If you come to Allah walking, He will come to you running.
- Safeguard your good deeds. Your abusive behavior hurts you. Not only does it
ruin your personal life, destroy your relationships and cause you to lose
people's love and respect forever, but it also may outweigh your good deeds.
- Take Responsibility for your actions. You -- and only you -- are responsible for
your behavior. Shaytan only suggests, he has no power to make you do something
you don't want to do. If you truly care for someone, you will not allow him or
her to be abused, by you or anyone else. Make a sincere commitment to end your
abusive behavior. It will not be easy, but once you decide to stop oppressing
others, Allah will help you.
- Talk to someone.Talk to someone you trust. Ask his/her honest opinion about your
behavior. This could be a close friend, a family member, or someone you respect.
- Know that you are not alone. There are people who care about you and will help
you to change yourself. But it is your job to seek them out and solicit help. It
won't be easy, but it will ultimately allow you to be part of a healthy
relationship. Check out Resources.
- Know your risks. Check out the list of
risks we have compiled for you.