Am I an Abuser?
Abusive behavior is simply not acceptable in Islam. Becoming angry from time to
time does not necessarily mean that you are abusive. It is the way anger is expressed
that makes it abusive. Some of the most dangerous abusive individuals don’t
show a hot, loud, form of anger – but rather are cold and calculated in their
Learn the signs of an abusive person, and if they apply to you, call yourself to
account before you are called to account. The more of these warning signs sound
familiar, the more crucial it is to help before it gets worse.
Signs of an Abuser
Both men and women can be abusers. The list below has some of the signs of an abuser.
For more information about how abuse occurs in Muslim relationships, see
The Muslim Wheel of Domestic Violence.
Does one person in a relationship:
- Insult the other in public?
- Become jealous if his/her spouse talks to others?
- Check in on the other constantly?
- Always decide what the other should do?
- Blow disagreements out of proportion?
- Threaten to break up/beat up, or constantly worry/accuse that the other will break
up with them?
- Lose his/her temper verbally?
- Break or hit things to intimidate the other?
- Blame their spouse for their own problems?
- Abuse drugs and/or alcohol?
These are some of the signs of an abuser. When they are present, a cycle of abuse
that characterizes an
Unhealthy Relationship, is often
also present.. If you recognize these symptoms for yourself or for your partner,
for the sake of Allah and that of your family and your own well being, seek refuge
in Allah and get HELP now. If none of these signs
sound familiar, Alhamdulillah! Insh’Allah the traits of a
Healthy Relationship will resonate with you.
Effects on the Abuser
The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said: “Anger spoils faith
just as aloes spoils honey.” (Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi) Abusive relationships affect
both partners. Although the partner being abused is the true victim, the abuser
is also suffering, and setting themselves up for more suffering in the future.
Abusive behavior toward anyone, or any thing in Allah’s creation, for that
matter, damages your connection with Allah. Some of the other consequences that
may occur are
- alienating and losing the respect of friends, family, and the larger community which
leads to isolation,
- losing one’s job or being expelled from school, and
- ending up with a criminal record.
The earlier you can face what is going on, the sooner you catch it, the better chance
you have of changing yourself and your life, while taking action to protect your
loved ones, instead of putting them in harm’s way.